Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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