About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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