Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Say something about gay babies.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
