Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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