I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
