oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
