you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
