I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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