Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
