smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
