I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
