Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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