He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
