Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
