Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
