Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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