if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your penis caused this!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
