I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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