It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize