either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
