He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
