Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
