I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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