You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize