even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
