my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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