We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
