I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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