oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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