thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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