i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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