my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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