I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
