Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
