just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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