Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
