I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
