What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
