so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
