Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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