I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize