Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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