oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
