I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
