break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
