And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
