I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
