Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
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