I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
