I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
