I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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