Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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