no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
