I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize