I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
