You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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