oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
