Plan B is the new Plan A
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
