We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
