Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just high enough for therapy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
