I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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