Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize