i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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