You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
