Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
