His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
