i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize