forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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