I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
