I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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