haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
