I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
