My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
