Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
