sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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