just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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