We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she looked like the before picture.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
