even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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