For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
