Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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