I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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