this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
