Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize