i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
