also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
