Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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