and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize