I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
