Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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