my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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