at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
