get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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