is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
