How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
