help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize