I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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