hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
