apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize