I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
